Marriage Letters: I Trust You Because….
by willeya
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Matthew 7:6
Dear Ben,
just yesterday i sat on the bed while you sat on the floor and we wondered together at the dust on the sill. i am keenly aware of my limitations in running this ship and that you often come home to a faltering crew. you are captain and crew member both and for your sake, i wish i was more.
trusting you is on the short list of things i do with ease. even that is a boomerang gift that started with you.
i never thought about this before, but amber brings up a good point, that we are commanded to trust God, not each other. love and respect, we must do. but trust seems the pearl that we are warned to give wisely.
when an oyster is frightened, it pulls into its shell and creates a hard layer of protection around himself to seal off the enemy. little does he know that he’s making a pearl.
those first years i was terrified that the Church was your home and that our home was your duty, that desire would take over and you’d choose Her over me. you felt like the enemy and i pulled in out of fear. each time you would notice and patiently listen. you’d tell me you wanted me first then you’d stick to your word. three nights a week out and no more, come home on time and call if you’re late.
you still do that.
over time your actions (this is only one of many) have so defended your word of love that your love has become my truth whether you speak it or not. i know that the Church is your calling but i am your Bride. even on your busiest weeks, i do not feel left. not really.
six years later, this friction of fear and faithfulness has created something beautiful in me. can you see my love, that we’ve created a pearl?
this pearl is my trust and i cast it to you.
thank you,
anna
This warms my heart. Your words are so genuine and real. It’s very evident. I love the entire concept of the pearl. So great. You are a very talented writer. I love this :). Naturally ;)
Wishing I could borrow your gift of writing to simply comment on how much you mean to me, my pearl.
ben
I have a weird relationship with this post, I read it at 2:30 AM as I ate peanut butter and crackers trying to rid myself of nausea. I then proceeded to go back to bed, struggle to sleep, or stay asleep, all the while having those weird half-awake dreams about you, Ben, pearls….
Next time I’ll read your post in full daylight and full consciousness.
elisabeth, i am starting to think you are a very funny person. not intentionally funny or funny laughing at you, but quirky funny. this made me laugh. thank you :) and therz i think you are the most intentionally validating ;) person in my world. thank you for that. and ben, what do you think about pearl for a girl’s name? and i love you.
Beautiful!! Your Ben is a lucky man to have you, but you are so blessed to have him too…he is fun and loves you so much (it’s not hard to see tell). Love you, Anna!