True North

by willeya

It’s morning and i haven’t gotten out of bed (granted, it’s the one of two places to sit), taken a shower (day three), our clothes are a sea around us (all dirty, of course), plates from our chinese carry out dinner last night are straight ahead, and books and baby stuff send it over the edge from lived in to disaster.  usually this would make me a hot mess inside.  but today i feel peace, stream-lined, centered, and resolved.  today my inner compass knows true north.

since atticus and NJ, the Lord has been working two themes out in my life: faith and simplicity.  He has convicted me of the first and lead me towards the latter.  The past few weeks were significant towards both…

So you know I was working on these massive, i-can’t-do-this documents for a practice i am borderline desperate to get into?  well, they’re done.  Looking back, the Lord had these documents for me.  the fact that they might go towards landing a  job is a bonus.  their true accomplishment was the process in me.  It was a purifying, stripping, convicting readjustment in perspective. it was just what i needed.

the most helpful question this man posed was where I want to be in 10 years. while outwardly i felt this impossible to know, inwardly i was glad he asked:  i have been wondering the same thing.  My unstable, but very true in the moment life cravings were making me manic.   Since coming to NJ, I have been on trajectory to become:  a master quilter, nutritionist, pastor’s wife extrodinairre, trader joe’s employee, social butterfly, homeschool mother to at least 5, zumba instructor, the best neighbor ever, and my personal favorite, an animal farmer (so i could live in wide open spaces and raise/cook all of our own food).

But this 10 year question forced me to FREEZE the swirling possibilities and BE STILL to ask the Lord His thoughts.  What I heard back was CONVICTION that I had MANY WANTS and gimme’s and a LACK OF FAITH that I would be happy if I LET GO of anything.  So I wept over my lack of faith and then I got down to the business of asking, hearing, writing.  This is the result….

  1. To have fostered an abiding, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ in such a way that I am in “step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25) within the different roles He has entrusted me, am being fully obedient to His will in each role, and am able to care for others entrusted to me out of abundance.
  2. To have nurtured and prioritized my relationship with my husband in such a way that we are accurately portraying the intimacy between Christ and the Church to the world (Eph. 5:22-33) and that his heart has come to “trust in me” (Prov. 31:11).
  3. To have fully embraced and pursued the responsibility of training and nurturing my child(ren) in the Lord (Deut. 11:18-20).
  4. To be faithful in courageously leveraging my gift, passion, and education in counseling towards God’s mission of healing a hurting world (2 Cor. 5:17-19).  as much as i have tried to shed this last one and replace it with a cool new hobby, it remains.

Well, that’s simple enough.  Deep in my spirit, I know each one to be true.  it guides my day today, giving direction to the interests and ideals raging within me.  If it falls under these four priorities, I will do it.  If it does not, and there is extra time, I might do it.  If it does not, and there is not extra time, I will not do it.  I may be sad, but I will not feel bad.

Lest you be concerned that my world become too small, do not fret:  my husband’s drive for reaching out is VERY large.  And He wants – needs – me by his side.  And because relating, processing, and writing are as sure as breath to me, I will learn to love my Lord and family and clients fully…andt succintly ;)

Love you all,

A

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