Today is a being day. I have had too many doing days in a row. uumm, where to begin?
it feels weird to write again. heck, it feels weird to think again. ever since we moved into our house, i have been uncharacteristically task oriented. there was so much “establishing” to do – everything needed a home and decorating swallowed us whole. and then my baby started eating, turning my life into knives, peelers, cutting boards, pots of boiling water, and blenders. and dishes – so many dishes. and then i got offered two jobs. and then i got pulled over for speeding:
police: so you live in NJ, your missing driver’s licence says you live in IL, your insurance cards are at your in-law’s house, and your parents own the title to your car, which is under your brother-in-law’s name?
me: something like that.
police: that’s messed up.
and then we all got the stomach flu. which lead me to staring at the shiny white toilet bowl that wasn’t so shiny and white. which lead me to implement a cleaning schedule for our soiled home. throw a firm commitment to watch gilmore girls – all 7 seasons – and you’ve got my last 10 weeks.
i guess this is my life now.
on a good day, it’s the “being through doing” way of living. i KNOW God’s love when i research, plan, shop, cook, and clean (repeat steps 1-5 over and over again) just to put one tablespoon of food into my child. i feel it in my body, in places that surpass words and thoughts. kinda like a runner’s high i suppose.
on a bad day, i’m lonely, homesick, and kind of hollow. steps 1-5 (see above) take me over until my eyes get this weird “i’m not here” look and i can’t seem to put inflection in my voice.
for me, the difference between a good day and a bad is whether or not i take hold of the very premise this blog was created on….that EARTH IS CRAMMED WITH HEAVEN if i just look. if i look, God is busy giving meaning and personhood to my littlest, most unseen moments.
so i am going to return to looking and to this blog. and to you. my posts will probably be shorter, more sporadic and my moments smaller, less epic. but hey, that’s life. a series of tiny, non-epic events. and a God who sees each one and says, “wow. you’re pretty special”. hmmm…..i love being days.
ps. for all of you back in IL, i miss you terribly. mom, dad, matt, jen, mandi, miriam, lauren, esther, erikah, bethany, becky, angie, katie, amy, kristen, ryan, molly (ok, Missouri), christina, emily (ok, Oregon), and on and on……..