Building Rome Cont…

by willeya

Well hello again!  Now that you’ve warmed your coffee, slept 8 hours, or blinked, here is my last thought of the night….

3.   I  just got off the phone with a friend who had her third child this weekend.   we talked about the added restriction and responsibility this little one brings, yet she sounded settled and happy.  i commented on this peace i heard.  she agreed and went onto to say that though she is and will be very tired, she has become an undivided, settled woman. she is happy to spend days with her boys and nights with her husband.  her mission and her affections are united – they are her family.  as we fleshed this out together, i realized that my affections lie in two worlds.  i love, love my husband and boy. but i also am compelled to be deeply connected to extended family, ministries, and girlfriends, both old and new.  yet there is not enough of me (or at least the pleasant parts) of me to go around.  unconsciously, automatically, necessarily, i find myself transitioning from a full life outside the home to needing to find it from within (self and home).   This shift takes both shedding and building; i feel far from landed and settled.  i am committed to not be harsh on myself about this. New lives – like Rome – are not built in a day.  so i am giving myself lots of grace…lots of room to settle into affections that allow me to be one within myself, genuinely curious to see what will remain.

wow… that felt really messy and clumsy and vulnerable.  thank you friends who read this far.  and thank you God for my frappe.

love,

A.

Advertisements