all things atticus
in one month and four days our little Atticus Cai will turn one. this year, i haven’t been the best with pictures or dates for the baby book. i think, “how can i forget his birth day, the song we sing to him e.v.e.r.y. night, the profound moments – like today in church – when i realize how much loving him has changed me?” but i’m told i will.
i have always felt sad that my “baby book” starts at two (maybe we should call it a toddler book). i feel keenly the loss of my infancy and the basic sense of belovedness that comes with it. instead, i have all sorts of questions and longings for my first year. was i cute? was i fat? was i cuddled? did i have hair? what made me laugh? did i feel safe and secure? with whom? when they left, did i cry? when i cried, who came? what soothed me? who delighted in me? what did they find delightful? bottom line – was i loved, cherished even? (cherish: to hold or treat as dear. to care for tenderly – to nurture)
before you cry (mom)…
this is my joy – that what i lack i have to give. from this year, i have a pile of memories, details, thoughts, and feelings all about Atticus Cai and being his mother. i want to give them before i lose them. and so…. in the days leading up to May 15, i am going to use this space to write all that is in me for my son – to make him his very own baby book.
i love – even cherish – you Atticus Cai. and don’t you forget it.