my yin-yang life

by willeya

discipline and freedom. one is my air and the other my water.  yet the two are in a constant state of tension within me – pulling – to bring me to center.  ok, really center is the place that i pass on my way to the other extreme.

take this week.

this week i read proverbs about ants and sluggards and creaking beds. and feasts.  i noticed that continual “feasting” of any sort leaves me dry.  and tired – really tired.  and then i leaned into the sense that plain, structured days are our best norm.

for one week i focused on food, sleep, cleaning, Jesus, and ole fashioned play – a detox from life’s sugar.  until….

today, when the apartment walls moved in 10 inches.  i swear, they did.  and then, while standing in the kitchen – after deciding for the 107th time that i AM indeed allergic to dairy – i said to myself (out loud) in my best west side story maria voice “SAY IT’S NOT SO CHINO, SAY IT’S NOT SO”.  hand gestures included.  whew. i needed out.

so i went.  to the countryside with wide open spaces. i drove and drove until i saw horses with white picket fences around them, big red barns, old men in wife beaters on porches, and then nothing…for miles. to top it off, right when the traffic broke and the land cleared, the Rascal Flats rendition of “life is a highway” came on.  i sped up, rolled down the windows, hand surfed the air, scrunched my face, and let ‘er rip. even atticus joined in.  until…

he pooped his pants. and cried all the way home because i guess sitting in poop crosses his lines.  turning the car back to home, i rolled up the window and found a major highway.  we made it home in time for an almost punctual dinner and bedtime.

this is life – my free, inhibited, disciplined, messy life. i think i just may be getting better at it.  leaning from side to side, that is.