free falling

by willeya

i go back and forth, back and forth if this is the best way.  i think about having six children around the farm table, taking pictures of them as they read their books about far away places.  the kitchen smells like oatmeal and butter and the next subject is history.  but neither life holds all of us and does life come in bests anyways? ours has come in choices and prayers. and we chose this.

Remind me, remind me of the vision you gave me.

it slipped out with my first client that “i am new here”.  i said “cool” to a woman twice my age.  i’ve developed a stutter and i start sweating when they tell me their problems. their lives are so real.

Remind me, remind me what anointing oil is for.

i am worried about him. about us. when he gets up from nap time he points to the door and says “mama”.  mama won’t be there only twice but still….

I need to know you’re near me. I need to know you are holding me just as closely.

there’s a reason i’m here and though i almost miss her as she slips around the corner – behind the fear – i see her. she is conviction. she is the call.  she is my dreamer. she is the dream.

as the day you took my life and gave me a vision, as the day you poured the oil and gave me a dream.

* the italics are the lyrics to sara groves’ cave of adullum