evenings together {apart} – and a new writing project

by willeya

for the last few weeks i haven’t really wanted to write.  it may have a little to do with my starting work and a lot to do with prison break, “our show”.  but it also may be that i am not fresh with ideas.  this leads me to only write when i feeeeel so much.  thus my emo blog as of late.

then my second favorite blog {therunamuck.com}started doing this writing prompt called “marriage letters“. they say it’s an “effort to encourage other married couples in the hard work of relationships”

and oh my is it.  hard work [marriage]. and encouraging [writing prompt].

so i’ve decided to focus a little less on the minutia of my emotions, which change every 2.2 seconds and focus a little more on the broad strokes of my life.  like being married.

being married has been like watching the joy of painting with bob ross.  you know, the white painter guy with the big afro.  do you remember when he would have his painting almost complete and then he would take his fat paintbrush and place a big black line in the middle of the scene?

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE BOB!!!  i screamed at the tv.

but somehow that big black line turned into a glorious fall tree that i couldn’t imagine the whole thing without.

and isn’t that the way with marriage? you long to complete the picture and enjoy it forever, but life (or you) draws an ugly black mark that with much time and work becomes the most glorious part.

and it just keeps going like that.  {so much work, so much beauty}

o dear i haven’t even got to the prompt. would you stay just a little while longer?  here we go:


dear ben,

sometimes i wonder if i should feel guilty that we have fallen into this together apart mode in the evenings.  you filling your fantasies with football, mine with blogs.  you are good to stop what you are doing and say “i love you” or “i’m so glad i married you”.  i am not as multi-tasking so i reply “hhhmmm”.

but what other time do we have these days to fill up our tanks?  you started work at 5:30 this morning and i only sat down to call fifteen churches.  when you get home the kitchen looks like new orleans after the storm and atticus is pulling on me hard.  thank God he starts pulling on you until dinner is ready.

every night after dinner we ask the same question:  kitchen or baby?  you chose the kitchen tonight. by 9 you have your headphones on and i am in a world of words and ideas.

sometimes i worry this means we are falling out of love.  this way of spending time is new for us and at first it seems like that big black ugly mark is back again.

you don’t worry like i do.  you assure me that this is another layer of love.  sitting at coffee shops, stomach dropping when i’d look in your eyes, was a good first layer.  slamming doors and throwing stuffed bears, then working it out fiercely till morning was a solid second layer.  but now that we can draw each other’s scars from memory and now that we know each other’s silences and sighs in their fifty different forms, we are adding a third.

this layer is side by side, shoulder to shoulder.  spending the days keeping the whole thing going and the nights refilling for the next. i go right; you go left. we collapse in the middle.  we are team willey.

but in all fairness i am forgetting one thing.  prison break.  we are totally together on that one baby.  last night when michael kissed sarah for the first (sincere) time, i remembered those first days at the coffee shop.  i wondered if we’ve become only a team or if we are still those kids staying out too late.

tonight i kissed you to see.  and yep – you are michael to my sarah.  we are a multi-layered canvas with all the shades coming through.

this marriage keeps us on our toes, doesn’t it?  always discerning.  ’cause while this together apart is fine, peaceful even,  apart apart will never do.

i love you,


how ’bout you?  how are you fighting the good fight in your marriage?  together apart? together together?  a bit of both or something completely different.  let’s encourage each other.  and do visit therunamuck.com, where we are all fighting together. plus she’s a gorgeous writer.