marriage letters: opposites attract

by willeya

dear ben,

i have this picture of you in my mind from a long time ago.  it’s a sunday morning at winnetka, the sun’s coming in through the stained glass windows and i’m standing in the middle of a beam.  we are all singing our sunday morning hymns like good church people do…born thy people to deliver, born a child and yet a king….and then there’s you.

i can’t take my eyes off of you and it’s not because you are my boyfriend.  it’s because you are the most alive human being in the room.  while the band holds the tune and the beat, you dance around them. yes literally – but it’s your music that’s leading your body.  and it’s your soul that’s leading your music, looping it up and around and through and over the tune and the beat.

i think of obedient black notes lined neatly in a row with you – not a reader of them – swirling all around them.  you turn those ole’ block lettered words into calligraphy.

the thing about us is that we are both the swirls.  that’s what brought us together in the first place.  but we are different too. maybe out of necessity, maybe out of Design, we take turns holding the beat and dancing all around it.  

  • i feed you raw milk and egg yolks and chicken livers and you take me out for hot fudge sundaes.
  • you remind me to read my Bible and love my neighbor and i remind you that the glory of God is man fully alive.
  • i am a saver and you are a giver.
  • you get us to the party on time and i make us the last ones to leave.
  • i shower. you bathe. i do poop. you do puke.
  • i go deep. you go wide. you bend. i stand straight.

but i don’t think i’d be right in portraying us a straight 50/50.  the truth of it is that my emotions have run wild these past six years and that you by far have been our steady beat, moving us forward, getting us through.  thank you for giving me the space to go a little crazy, to work out my pain.  thank you for concrete things like buying groceries and invisible things like keeping track of truth.

but i want you to know that i still see you as that man dancing on the church platform, not needing notes cause the music’s in his soul.  it’s this that sets you apart and makes you different than me [or anyone else for that matter].  and while i so appreciate the beat you bring to my life, it’s your swirl that makes me sing.

love,

anna

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