so i got a tattoo. two of them.

by willeya

“for awhile
in 2007
i was a balloon
with no gravity
like a boy in the market
you tied me to your finger
to keep me
from
floating
away”
for whole poem, click here 

for so long that time at the beginning of our marriage, when i was so sad and he was so strong, felt like a soul without a body; it had no explanation, no description that fit.  and then six years later at 8:30 on a Tuesday night, in between clients and sips of stale coffee, it came to me in a poem about a balloon. {counseling does that for me, it makes everything clearer}. yes, that was it.  i was a balloon with no weight at the end. my sense of self was as thin as the air and i was traveling up, up,  into the place where nothing belongs to anything.

i still have days like this.

i’ve known for awhile now that Ben, as wonderful as he is, cannot be the one at the end of my string, not forever anyways. i need something more solid than him or me or children or parents or girlfriends.

that same night i wrote the poem, i read ephesians 3:17-19,

And I pray that you,
being rooted and established
in love
may have power,
{together with all the Lord’s holy people}
to grasp
how wide and long
high and deep
is the love
of Christ,
and to know this love
{it surpasses knowledge}
that you may be filled
to the measure
of all the fullness
of God.
i.e.,

May God be the weight at the end of your balloon

and i knew my first tattoo.

the second was easy after that. they are two parts to a whole.

ben’s handwriting

we are all balloons flapping in the wind. health food, perfectionism, past hurt, dirty kitchens, insecure relationships, wanting a house, failure and failure, funky hair – these are the winds of my day.  when i am held down by God’s love, i can let it be.  it all sits right in me and i am settled with unsettled.  on those days i sing Atticus Beatles songs to sleep in his quiet dark room while the world spins neon lights around us.  on the days i am not, well, i don’t.  i blur with the rest of the world in motion.

“Let It Be, Let It Be,Let It Be, Let It Be, There will be an answer, Let It Be.”
(John Lennon, Paul McCartney) 

Advertisements