just the facts {summer edition}

by willeya

it’s night and ben is at a friend’s smoking a stogie, around a bonfire i imagine.  when he left a bubble of joy floated up to my throat and i called out “have a good time!” with way too much enthusiasm.  it feels good to send him off to relax instead of to work or the store.

when he leaves, i take my contacts out, grope for my glasses, slip into sweats, and play my computer like a piano.  i write to relax.  instead of one deep thought, i have many that feel light. like the summer has sun and cookouts and water and adirondack chairs….

On My Nightstand is Marilynne Robinson’s “Gilead”.  her writing is pure and simple like water.  sometimes i get bored with good writing because like any art, it makes me work.  this book does not feed me profound thoughts and good feelings like ripe grapes from the vine.  instead, it is shy and reserved and sometimes unyielding.  like how i imagine fruit from my own garden to be, this story is more satisfying.

in the mail is the book “Parenting From the Inside Out” by Dan Siegel.  i have a lot of hope for this one.  it’s ultimately about parents working through their own damage so they can see their children for who they really are instead of who they need them to be.  in this household, loving and seeing are used interchangeably. my mantra prayers these days has been Lord help me really see who is in front of me. bring down the walls that block me from seeing.

On TV is So You Think You Can Dance.  actually, i am waiting for the top 20 to be chosen to watch, but i know what will happen when i do.  i will write more, sing more, smile more, long more, and feel more.  and then i will say “i really should sign up for zumba” and never do it.

On Pandora is James Taylor, The Beatles, Simon Garfunkel and Peter Paul and Mary.  they remind me of the smell of linens on the line and hazy campfires.  they make me feel lighthearted and profound at the same time.  they perfect summer evenings of chasing fireflies in the yard or sweeping the floors with the windows open.

In My Kitchen is every pot and pan that i own, on the floor, dirty.  ask me about tuesday.  tuesday we pick up our first farm delivery from our new co-op.  it is the cheapest organic meat, cheese, milk, and produce i have sourced.  and they do weird things like soak their breads and ferment their veggies that i believe in so much but so many times just haven’t the gumption.  as silly as it is, tuesday feels like a big day.  a culmination of a long journey.

On My Mind is how i am thirsty and need to get up to get water but am not for the same reason i am not doing the dishes. and on my way to the water are the dishes and i really would not like to be reminded of them.  but here i am, thinking of them.  relationships are a permanent fixture in my mind’s home and in my mind, they always need painting – a fix up.  i have called upon my tattoos every day for this restlessness i feel.  i am glad i got them even though they are poisoning me slowly. and thank you God for tuesday when i pick up all that wholesome food in effort that the good outweighs the bad inside of me.  in more ways than one may it be and does anyone else’s mind work like this????

In My Heart is peace.  as much as my mind goes, my heart is learning to stay still.  love really is becoming my anchor.  God’s love, yes, but not just the kind that comes directly from Him. the kind that first flows through us to give to each other.  tonight my heart finds peace in the love i risked to give today.  ben and i stumbled upon this quote the other day and it describes me well right now:  “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” -Lao Tzu

On My Calendar is a seven day visit from my parents, starting in two days.  we are all staying at my in-laws house while they are away and i imagine our days to be filled with mom and i talking and walking waist deep in the pool, atticus going between us, hot cement on our feet as we walk in to make lunch side by side,  popcorn, movies, philadelphia history, the ocean, and atticus saying papa a thousand times over.  in my cell phone, my parents are still listed as “home” and that’s exactly what their visit feels like to me.  though they’re the ones coming the distance, somehow i’m traveling the long way home too.

how bout you?  how’s your summer?