my 103rd blog post

by willeya

i am waiting for atticus to wake up to go the library and find a fiction book that’s potato chips in the literary world.  a christian romance, probably.  i have a lot on my mind and i don’t need more.

i reached 100 posts on this blog.  i wanted to write a big post about finding my “voice”, telling how this blog has helped me find what the inside of me sounds like.  but  i find i don’t just have one voice.  there’s my poetry voice and my deep thoughts on life voice and then there’s just everyday.  maybe my “voice” is a braid of these three woven together.  lately i have been using the poetry.  i even had an idea to do a poem a day for a month.  there’s some heavy stuff in life right now that if i sank into poetry i fear i would not emerge for things like breakfast and bills.  i am needed.

maybe at some point i will do that idea but for now i feel a pull in another direction.  i want to chronicle our life here more.  i want to remember what one foot after another looked like in this season and to trust the deep stuff we’ve established, like pain and love and beauty, is underneath it all.

i can let go of the pondering and not be afraid that all truth will be lost.  instead it will be lived.  one thing i love about blogging is that changing tones and directions feels like getting a new wardrobe without the shopping or money.  it’s just the thing to keep life interesting.

mandi and i have started a thousand gift list.  it comes from a book that challenges you to look into each day as a bag filled with treasure.  not in a fairy tale, dismissing kind of way, but in an open your eyes and see what is yours way.  we will be making our lists through pictures and sharing it with each other. and me with you.

i started with number one yesterday.  number two is my dad:

he adds so much to my life. last month when they were here mom and i would fix dinner while he and atticus ran around the couch over. and over. until we were ready.  dad teased and atticus squealed. it looked like the sunshine was pouring down on us, but i think it was the beauty between them pouring out.