free like you

by willeya

today ben had five “things”, sun up past sun down.  i used atticus’ nap time to cook; i have every ounce of food allotted until we go on vacation so that we drive away swallowing the last perishable item we own.  tomorrow morning we make the most important library run.  after that is the official packing list and laundry.  we always seem to fall into vacation, the first moments in the car feel like the walls moving out.  our arms float up.

what i am most looking forward to with vacation is the sun.   i spent much of this summer in vague guilt that atticus’ is still a one-tone boy. my mommy voice tells me his butt should be white.  so really, what i want is to trade the “shoulds” and “oughts” in for a “yes” this next week.  yes to sun. yes to staying up late and sleeping during the day.  yes to eating and drinking and time. just yes to it all.

whenever we get back from anywhere and round the steps to go up atticus sits down, taps the concrete next to him, and says “mom, sit”.  he tilts his head up with questions marks drooping the bottoms of his eyelids. he knows he’s got a 50/50 chance.

the funny thing is, he probably won’t be any more or less happy on the beach than this sidewalk.  he lives in a time before ought and should exist and he says yes to every moment.  

tonight his favorite thing was to “jump” the crack where the sidewalk splits.

i love that he lives in vacation and that for these moments, i can join him.

in 49 hours, these moments will string together to make a whole week.