in which i am commissioned to love my husband first

by willeya

why is it easier to love Children than Husbands?  i have heard many women say it is this way for them and while i still feel more need for Ben in my life, it is harder for me to pour myself out for Him the way i do Atticus.  and yet, isn’t the cornerstone of family, marriage? and of marriage, love?

it’s been a long, dark month overall, with hormones the flashlight shining it’s beam at the broken parts in me. as a person, yes, but as a wife more.   i have hit many floors that have opened up to new floors, that have shown me the depth of my own need and selfishness, but i sense that i am so very close to the final bottom called resolve.  it’s time to fight this unraveling inside me, to remember what is true and deny all the rest.

down here, at my bottom line (first trimesters have a way of finding this),  i have found an Abba who is very fond of me and Two Very Special People depending on me for different things.  just as my son needs me to sleep well the night before so i can be up with him in the morning, my husband needs me to filled too.

i read this blog post by Sarah Bessey tonight.  the whole reason i wrote this post is to just share this.  it echoed off the walls of the room that holds the floor that won’t fall through.  it felt like a love blessing, a sacred benediction to fight the good fight, and when i opened my eyes to face my life, Ben was sitting right there.